by Claudia Trinklein-Engman

As a part of my job, I often assist families in finding a therapist to work with their child or the whole family. People understand the concept of individual and/or couple counseling but are often confused by what I mean when I suggest working with a family therapist instead.

What is family therapy anyway? Who needs it? When should you go? Throughout life we are confronted with new situations and feelings that we are not always fully equipped to handle. Unfortunately, school did not teach us how to have intimate relationships. Our colleges did not list "LIMIT SETTING 101" in their catalogues. We do not always know what to do when we or our children are having a tough time emotionally. Family therapy is designed to assist families with emotional and/or behavioral issues that are impacting the entire family system and are not easily resolving themselves on their own. If a child is exhibiting problematic behavior over a period of time, the adult relationship in the family is beginning to feel like a battlefield or a cold war, or if you are divorcing, family therapy can be beneficial. You, your youngster or your family does not need to be "sick" to enter family therapy. If fact, learning about human relationships is a task that all of us undertake throughout our lives. Family therapists can act as coaches through the uncertain times.

How does family therapy work? Therapists most commonly see clients once a week for approximately one hour. Although there are a number of different theoretical approaches to therapy, generally, therapists assess the situation and create a plan to address the problem areas. They may actively interrupt painful recurring patterns of relating in a session and teach new ways of interacting. They may teach social skills, communication skills and/or conflict resolution skills that the entire family needs.

Therapists may also model more functional ways of relating. They can assist in learning how to set limits, how to develop new ways of expressing anger that are not destructive, or how to create new strategies to resolve ongoing problems. Sometimes they work with an entire family and sometimes they work with individual members, depending on what is needed at that time.

Most family-oriented therapists look at a family as a unit, a system in which everyone is involved. They are not looking for who is to blame but for how the system is set up to generate a problem, and how it could be structured differently.

So, how do you find a therapist? If the issue you want to address encompasses the entire family on some level, I recommend going to a therapist who specializes in this area rather than a clinician who specializes in individual work. It is important that you feel that you can trust the therapist you select and that they are familiar with your type of problem. When contacting your insurance provider, specifically ask for a referral for someone who practices family therapy. Family therapy allows the entire family to be part of finding a new and beneficial mental health solution.