By Claudia Trinklein-Engman, School Counselor

Understanding Non-verbal Cues

Understanding and responding to non-verbal cues is sometimes a very demanding job for young children. It is a social skill, however, that is extremely vital to master. I spend a great deal of time helping children to recognize non-verbal actions and coaching them to respond appropriately. As a child moves through the elementary grades, non-verbal behavior becomes increasingly abstract, particularly among the children themselves. Consequently, it often makes it much more difficult to decipher. Often, if a child is unclear about what he/she is experiencing, it can be quite perplexing as to how he/she should be reacting, both physically and verbally.

We all need to help youngsters learn to "read" their environment from an early age. They need an extensive affective vocabulary and appropriate problem solving strategies, as well as skills to visually make sense of their surroundings. They need to be able to know when they are angry or frustrated, but they also need to know how to recognize when someone else is angry or frustrated. They need to pick up the body language of others that to them realize that even without words, they can understand someone's emotional needs and positioning.

I play a lot of games where "words aren't allowed." Children need to demonstrate how they think they look when angry, but they also need to be able to recognize when they see an angry person. Before deciding what needs to happen next, they need to readily be able to register non-verbal anger or frustration. Try the same game at home, in the car, or at a restaurant. Look at pictures from magazines or books and suggest what people might be feeling or needing. Play "non-verbal" charades. Try using possible examples that could occur on the playground, in the classroom, or in other real-life situations. What would a child look like if he or she was excluded from a game?

What would a teacher look like in the classroom if she had asked everyone to be quiet and you began to whisper to your neighbor? What would a person in a restaurant look like if someone at your table began to laugh loudly? What would a child look like if he or she was upset because you had sat down in her/his chair?

Once a child becomes rather well versed in how to recognize body language, move into what should happen next. Take the above examples and discuss what should happen when your child sees another child looking upset about being excluded. What should your child do if a teacher grimaces when he or she catches a student whispering in class? The non-verbal language of others may necessitate some kind of verbal response, but it may also demand a non-verbal reaction from your child as well.
 
Practicing how to respond to non-verbal language is an important social skill for all of us. Learning it well helps us all become a far better member of our communities.