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As a brief introduction for those of you who do not know me, I am Claudia Trinklein-Engman, one of two counselors for the elementary schools. I have been asked by the newsletter editors to contribute a monthly article addressing some aspect of the work I do with our young children. Since I spend a great deal of time inside of the classrooms and working individually or collectively with small groups around social skill development, I felt that would be a timely focus for this column. My intent is to address a different topic each month that pertains to a social skill that is highly relevant for our children to master and to make suggestions on how you might, as parents, foster and encourage the mastery of the skill outside of the school setting.
I am a firm believer in developing strong affective language at a young age. Children need to know not only how they feel, but they need to have language to describe their emotions. Children who have a strong affective language base classically are much better problem solvers. By understanding how they feel and by being able to communicate that feeling to others helps a child resolve internal and external conflicts.
I visit kids as young as kindergarteners to make lists of feelings that children have and to discuss the importance of those feelings with them. We play many games, make pictures, and read books devoted to affective language building. Many of these games can easily be done in the car or at the dinner table. When a child is angry, label it that way. He or she may be showing anger inappropriately, such as hitting or screaming, but the feeling itself is important to positively recognize. Saying something like, “Hitting isn’t okay, but I can tell that you are VERY angry,” helps a child identify what is happening and also validates his or her right to have such a strong reaction. Finding a suitable release is obviously important as well, but a child needs to know that emotions are always relevant.
Make your own list of feelings that your family typically has and make pictures or tell stories about what created that feeling. When you are reading books, help your child identify the feelings the characters might be having. Play charades where one of the family describes a situation without naming the emotion and have people guess what the feeling is.
You can make it harder by only showing what you might be feeling instead of narrating a situation. This is the beginning of helping a child read body language. Make a frustrated face and let the group guess what might be going on. There might not be just one right answer: Mom might think Dad’s face is angry, the child might label it as frustrated, and Dad might believe that he is showing how tired he is. Then let each group member make up a story that would support the feeling that he or she chose.
Talk about where different feelings live inside of your body. Kids love this idea! For example, say, “when you are angry, where does anger live?” Imagine what color it is and how big it is. If you have paper, let the child draw within a body format, exactly where that emotion resides when the child is feeling it. This activity helps make emotions more concrete to a child.
As the adults in your child’s world, don’t forget to talk about your own feelings and to integrate them into daily conversation. Let your child know when you are angry, frustrated, satisfied, or embarrassed. He or she needs to see the expression of affective language to learn to use your examples to model.
Next month, I’ll address how to use feelings to begin to solve personal dilemmas. But long before we can ask our children to solve problems, they need to have the affective language to understand how they are reacting to a given situation. By developing strong affective language with your child, it also fosters a common language between you and your child, which is of paramount importance to building strong communication in the family.
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Enjoy the Roller Coaster Years
Positive Parenting Through Middle School
A Morning Conference
Learn how to negotiate the ups and downs of parenting young adolescents. Understand the changes and challenges that face this age group to support your children and enjoy this tricky yet very special phase of growing up. Attend this morning conference and learn skills and strategies to promote safe and healthy “tween” development.
Mill Valley Middle School is offering its fifth annual practical, informative, and cutting-edge mini-conference for parents of preteens and teens. This year we are honored to host the authors of The Roller Coaster Years, Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese, who will serve as keynote speakers. The authors will cover critical facets of “tween” dangers and development, highlighting the joy of raising a young adolescent. After the keynote, there will be six workshops designed for parents of adolescents. The workshops cover specific concerns for this age group and are presented by local experts.
Boy Crazy: Keeping Your Daughter’s Feet on the Ground When Her Head is in the Clouds
presented by Margaret Sagarese
Clique-Busting, Bully-Proofing, and Handling Cyber-Bullying
presented by Charlene Giannetti
How Shall Our Son’s Become Men?
presented by Trout Black
Deterioration of Values in Popular Culture: Your Kids Are Under Attack
presented by Jim Taylor
Peer Approval Addiction: Helping Preteens Find Their Own Way
presented by Annie Fox
Understanding and Helping Your Teen Cope With Their Challenging Emotions: Anxiety, Impulsivity, Anger, Worry, Depression, and Disappointment
presented by Debra Collins
THIS IS A FREE EVENT sponsored and presented by the MVMS PTSA. No registration is necessary but a courtesy email to Joyce, joycefeeney@comcast.net is appreciated if you plan to attend.
When: Saturday, November 17, 2007, 8:15 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.
Where: Mill Valley Middle School, 425 Sycamore Ave., Mill Valley, CA
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We are so pleased you are joining us! Our membership drive for this school year is off to a great start. Thank you to all teachers, staff, and parents who have become members of It Takes a Village. If you haven't already joined us, won't you please?
We have these upcoming events in October and early November.
“Reading: Decoding, Fluency, and Comprehension Strategies to Use at Home”
Thursday, October 18, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.
District Office, 411 Sycamore Ave.
Mill Valley teachers Pauline Nacamuli, Erin Conklin, and Sarah Stoelting will present specific strategies to help your child read. You will walk away with many ideas and activities that you can do at home. Contact: Janet Miller (janetm@ri-net.com or 380-0631).
“Support for Families/Siblings of Children with Learning Differences”
Thursday, November 1, 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.
District Office, 411 Sycamore Ave.
Dr. Virgina Bassi and Janet Miller (Sibshops) will provide valuable insights and support for families and siblings of children with learning differences. Contact: Janet Miller (janetm@ri-net.com or 380-0631).
Eastwood Park Playgroup
Thursdays, October 18th and 25th, and November 1st and 8th, 3:00 – 5:00 p.m.
Some children with learning differences (or not!) have a hard time making friends. Our weekly play group is a great chance for kids to build relationships. Let us know if you can make it and to check weather cancellations. Contact: Pam Sowerby (psowerby@comcast.net or 380-9680).
Also, I would like to introduce our school representatives:
Tam Valley: Maureen Pardi, Jeannine Ferris
Strawberry: Ross Buffington
Park School: Gillian Reilly
Old Mill: Deborah Goldman
Edna Maguire: Lisa Santos
MVMS: Marianne Shine
Our board members are:
District Liaison: Dr. Kerri Mills
President: Andrea Brandeis
Exec VP: Marianne Shine
VP: Maureen Pardi
Treasurer/Social Committee: Pam Sowerby
Secretary: Jeanine Ferris
Parliamentarian/Publicity Committee: Caron Stapleton
Auditor: Rauol Wertz
Education Committee: Janet Miller
Please contact your school representative or any member of our board with questions or comments you may have. Thank you!
Andrea Brandeis
Co-President, It Takes a Village
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