Winning and losing are HUGE concepts for elementary school age children. Admittedly, competition is a way of life. But as adults, we must help our children be graceful winners as well as gracious losers. On the school site, we are constantly reminding children that "being first" is not always "best." In my social groups, I have many discussions about the traits of good winners, good sports, and good losers. If your child is participating in any kind of team sport, he or she is undoubtedly being taught some of these "good sportsmanship" qualities as well. But, it is of great importance that the home environment embraces these social graces as well.

I encourage families to play a variety of games with their children and to include board games or card games in the mixture. This is a great place to practice good winner/good loser responses. I usually begin with games of chance, and I always talk briefly with the children about the difference between games of chance and games of skill. Good examples are Chutes and Ladders, Go Fish, and Candyland. Before each game, I ask the children to show me or tell me what a good winner would act like or sound like during and after the game. I also have the children tell me what a poor winner would act or sound like as well as good and poor losers. Prior to play, I always say that I’m going to be looking for these good examples during and after the game. So, for example, if in Chutes and Ladders your child falls on a chute and graciously descends the chute, I would briefly comment on how well he or she is playing the game. You don’t have to make a big deal of it, but a brief reinforcement will often go a long way.

Organized games is a great place to practice NOT having to go first, especially when in games of chance, often it is the second or third player who ultimately wins, not always the player to go first. Board games are a great place to obviously practice taking turns, but more importantly, winning and losing with grace. Most times, both sides just saying "good game" is sufficient.

I also recommend playing these same games with partners. Encourage the "team" to make "team" decisions. The way partners need to work together and not blame each other if they do not win are extremely important concepts. The skills that a child learns while playing games successfully will transfer back into the classroom when a child is asked to cooperate with other group members on a team-based assignment.

The skills learned in chance games now also need to be practiced in games of skill. For the active child, this could be a game of soccer or a swim race, and for the less physically active child, it could be a game of chess or checkers. I never want to discourage the desire to win and do well, but the social skill of competing graciously needs to be practiced at school, at home, and in the community.